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User blog:AnimatronicClown/I'm Tired.
I haven't been keeping my blog posts up well, but honestly, I haven't had much to talk about. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm really just feeling sick of everything, and by everything, I mean school. I never used to get angry, but at this point, I'm totally irritated and infuriated. I don't like this feeling, but that's what it is. I'm sick of school constantly stressing me out. At least 75% of my issues are because of school. I worry myself sick over work and grades and really just coming every single morning. I'm sick of people being jerks, too. Just this morning, the first thing any student said to me was, "That doesn't match.", referring to my hat being a different color blue than my shirt. Does anyone honestly think I care what color my hat is? It realy just makes me want to pull my hair out. I'm sick of all these dumb comments everyone here has to say. If they're not being rude, they're constantly ''complainingl. I hate being in such an annoyingly negative enviroment for seven hours a day, five days a week. There are so many issues in this world, and all people seem to be able to do is cry over having a few homework problems. In all seriosness, get over it. I'm not even talking about any of you. It's just this school. ''I truly think what the problem is, is that I've finally been pushed to my breaking point. '' I have been constantly putting up with all of this, and I'm ''so freaking sick of everything now. ''All the effort I ahve put in to be nice to people, all the excessive work I've done to exceed academically, etc. and none of it seems to be paying off. Why in the world should I have to put up with all of this? I'm tired of waking up early just to come to a place that makes me feel every negative emotion there is. Nobody here seems to really care witht he exception of a few teachers, and it's not like I get to see them all day. I'm trying to make a difference, and it's not working. I'm tired of all of this. I feel perfectly fine on the weekends when i'm with my family and my boyfriend. They make me happy. This place doesn't. ''Guys, I just want to be happy. That's really all I want. And the thing is, I can ''be happy. Just within tying this post, I've had all of these mood swings. It hurts me to feel like this. It's not fun. It's miserable. I'm trying so hard to feel normal, but sometimes it feels so hopeless. It's times like this when I worry about myself, my mentality. I'd never hurt anyone, I do hope you all know that. The only person I've ever purposely hurt was myself. I'm not crazy, I'm just so perplexed with myself. This has been more of a rant, but I don't know what else to tell you guys. I'm shaking. I wouldn't mind crying. I can be happy, but it takes special circumstances. 'I've comptemplated things I shouldn't have lately.' And I don't like that. I ahven't done anything to myself, please know that. Sometimes I feel like I wouldn't mind doing that again, but it's not healthy. If I were to self-harm again, that would be setting an example I won't allow myself to do for the sake of all of you. I love you all dearly. And I need you to know something else... 'I made this place for you...Because of myself, mostly.' I '''know '''what it's like to suffer from mental illness, and I'm still battling it. I'm not any better than any of you. I'm still in a constant battle with myself. I don't know everything, and I still have such a long way to go. I made this place so we won't be alone. I know what it's like, guys. You're not alone. No matter how real the loneliness feels, it's not real. WE are real, though. There are people that understand. Just look at me, I must sound like a hypocrite. I realize what I'm saying, and often it probably seems like I don't even believe myself when I say encouraging things. The thing is, though, that I know it's true. It's just hard to really believe sometimes. But look, it's okay. Please, if nothing else, I want you to know that you're not the only one who feels the way you do. Despite how cruel this world is, there 'are 'people that care about you. '''I care about you, okay?' Category:Blog posts